Monday, October 10, 2005


In my misspent youth, well, mid-20s, I discovered phone dating lines. Especially the chat ones. And living alone and being somewhat shy and introverted, these were the perfect place to meet girls to talk to. And more to the point, talk dirty to, which I didn’t realize could happen for mostly free (I say this because you had to pay to get into the service).

One of the first times that it happened, I was talking to someone I had been speaking to pretty often and the conversation turned to sex. I was erect the entire call, already, just from hearing her voice and knowing that she was really tall, black hair, bass player for a local band. We eventually were talking about what we liked, and I pretty much told her a variation of this entry that I wrote a few years ago:

“I wish I could stop time, right at the moment when a lover take my cock in her hand and her mouth is open and lunging for it. That's the most erotic and amazing thing I can imagine, when someone gives themselves over to the moment completely and their only motivation in life isn't taxes or work or stress, but in putting your flesh in their mouth or their tongue on your flesh and making you explode.

That split second of time standing still, when the air still hits your nakedness, then to be replaced by the wet, warm feeling of lips wrapping themselves around you.”

Somewhere inside that, I heard a buzzing, and her muffled voice say, “Please tell me that again.”

The next thing I knew, she was moaning into my ear and my wrist and stomach were coated with cum.

So this is how I began my quest to find girls to talk to in the middle of the night. To recreate the thrill of that experience. Alone in the dark, phone up to my ear, stroking myself the whole time, waiting for someone to answer my ad on a chat line, then talking to them.

It pushed me to be a lot more assertive than I was. To almost become dominant if I wanted to hear the confessions that I wanted to hear. To demand that they say the things that I wanted to hear. To allow them to live out fantasies that they could never say in the light of day. To make people who I wouldn't even recognize face to face reveal to me that they wanted to stick their tongue inside of ther best friend.

It was 3:30 AM or worse, our libidos were out of control on hot June nights, alone in our first apartments.

I miss those days.


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